On Amy

Dec. 20th, 2011 02:07 pm
kirideth: (Computer Science)
So I've been watching through Big Bang Theory with George. It has some problems, but overall I'm finding it quite entertaining. We're currently about halfway through the fourth season.

Amy was introduced not terribly long ago as a sort of "female Sheldon", so it's possible that I simply haven't seen enough of her to form an attachment to her character, but my initial reaction to her can be described by disappointment, at best. I've heard some people say that they find her to be an interesting character with dimension and agency, and, honestly, I don't see it. I feel like she's a flat stereotype.

Where, with Sheldon, his Aspie traits are played as parts to a whole character, I feel like with Amy, they're all she has to her. And, frankly, I find that a little insulting.

And, while I appreciate the idea behind "she sees no purpose to makeup" the overall effect (intended or not) is to cast her character as undesirable, since on film this makes her stand out in a way that feels like something's "wrong". And I feel like, as a person who shares some of her traits and who has had to deal with being treated as undesirable because of them, that the way this is handled adds insult to injury.

I can only hope that her character does improve by the time I catch up with the current air date, because as it is, I'm a little disappointed that people think this stereotype of a character is well-rounded.
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
Dear people who blame female objectification on the appearance of women,

Do you really, honestly, believe that men are so inferior and deficient that they are incapable of finding someone sexually attractive while at the same time remembering that that person is human? Or is it that they *are* capable of such things, but actively choose not to? Because either way, that seems pretty insulting. Why is it so important to you to characterize men as either idiots or douchebags? Because there's really no other explanation, if, as you so often like to claim, they can't help it.

kirideth: (Default)
It disturbs me that there are people who think this way. I mean, I already knew. But it disturbs me whenever I see it anyway.

Full context: This is a log from a public chat between myself and another user. Ostensibly about a hypothetical world where women are never allowed to say "no". (Note that I am not treating it as quite so hypothetical. Because even in a world where women aren't allowed to say no, we may want to say no. And that world isn't all that different from the real world anyway.) Usernames removed... to protect myself, really. Besides, anyone who knows him knows who it is anyway. This isn't unusual behavior for him.

Log behind the curtain. )

Honestly, I'm still feeling a little gross after all that. Were we talking past each other? Maybe. But only because his "hypothetical that no one would ever consider" is too close to my reality.
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
I moderate a gaming chatroom. I see a lot of shit. Mountains of really crappy "jokes" made in an attempt to fit in with the community. Made under the pretense that people will respect you if you have the courage to say something controversial. The problem with that pretense, naturally, is that it's not all that controversial. These jokes are "safe" in that if someone tries to claim that they're offensive, that person is depicted to be in the wrong. So which is it, guys? Is it offensive and controversial, or isn't it? Are you actually taking a risk making those jokes? A risk that would merit the respect you seek? Or are you taking the easy way out? Conforming to what you think the group expects of you? You know. Since you always seem to claim that you don't ACTUALLY believe those things. They're just jokes, right?

We'll go with that for now. You can have the benefit of the doubt, and I'll assume you don't REALLY believe all those jokes you make. But you know what? There are people out there who do. I'm sure you've met them. I could probably name a regular or two in that chatroom I mentioned earlier who really, actually believe these things.(And if you're FROM said chatroom, I'd be willing to bet you could, too.) And there are probably more who've never outed themselves. Pick one. Any of them will do. Give yourself a concrete image of THAT PERSON. You know. The one who lives by those jokes, oblivious to the fact that they're supposed to be JOKES.

When you make those kinds of jokes. THAT PERSON thinks you agree with them. When you overreact to someone not liking your joke, claiming they're being too sensitive because it's obviously a joke? You're giving THAT PERSON a way to hide that they're not just joking. You're adding to the atmosphere that will assume that they're just joking, too. On top of that, you're making it harder to distinguish between the people who would never believe those things, and the people who do. And that has consequences for you. It means that fewer people are going to give you that benefit of the doubt. Because they can't tell if you're actually just joking, or if you're trying to hide being a jerk behind a joke like so many others do.

As for my experience. More often than not, it turns out that the person joking really is hiding hostilities behind the safety of "just joking". I can't speak for other groups that have jokes made about them. I can't even speak for all women. I can only speak for me. But as I understand it, I'm not alone. Nowhere close. I've been told "I'm just joking" or "I don't mean YOU" more times than I can count, only to later have this person demonstrate that their like or respect for women only lasts as long as the women in question conform to how they think women should act. And more often than not, this means never complaining about sexist jokes. Even better if they make the sexist jokes, themselves.

Maybe this doesn't seem like such a big deal to you. But it bothers some people. Indeed, it bothers a lot of people. Though a lot of these people get dismissed as per the "we only care about you if this doesn't bother you" mantra above. I wonder how many men would be upset if a group they wanted to be part of required them to make jokes about how men are idiots to fit in? I'm sure at least a few would.

Anyway. Joke on. But, please, do try to be aware of the context you're joking in. If it's an open forum, like a public chatroom, people may not know you well enough to be able to tell you from the assholes. Indeed, even your friends might not know you well enough. And please. If someone tries to tell you you're making them uncomfortable, try to consider that they might have reason to be, and that "HOW DARE YOU NOT ASSUME I'M JOKING" is a bit of an overreaction.
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
So since graduation, I've been looking for some kind of work within my general field. A relatively normal thing for a person to do, I suppose. Though harder than it sounds.

I have had very little success for whatever reason Maybe it's where I live, maybe they don't like my master's degree, maybe they're convinced that they can find someone with 15 years of experience. Who knows? The certainly don't tell me anything other than "we've looked over your resume with careful consideration but are unable to offer you employment at this time".

Anyway, I (very) recently decided to take a software position in downtown Minneapolis. (my first correspondence with them was roughly 3 weeks ago). I start tomorrow. It's not really what I want to do, and it pays less than I'd like it to, but at least it's something. And I'm still looking for something better.

However, like I said. I start tomorrow. This date was not negotiable in any way, due to their entry-level training stuff. I didn't even officially get my offer letter until this past Monday. In that time, I've been trying to figure out some way that I can manage to get to work until I can find an apartment. I can't really stay in Mapleton. Accounting for traffic, that's a 2 and a half hour commute (one way), roughly. For the time being I'm staying with my parents, but that's still an hour and a half/hour and 45 minute commute (also one way). And my back can't take that on a daily basis, so I'll probably have to find a different solution.

So right now, I'm both looking for an apartment that I can move into long-term (if people have suggestions for good places to look, I'm open to that...), AND trying to figure out what I'm going to do until then. On top of starting a new job. Also, once my training is over in a month, I'll be assigned to work with a client who probably won't be downtown. Only I don't know which client yet, or where. Or even for how long. So my best bet on an apartment is to look for something somewhat centrally located and hope for the best.

George is staying in Mapleton. I'm not sure how long he'll be staying in Mapleton. But a while at least. Eventually he'll move up with me, but I have to find a place to live, and be stable enough there that he *can* move.

So that's more or less what my situation is right now. And it has me a bit stressed out at the moment.

On a tangent, I've lost weight since the last time I've needed to look professional. So I needed new clothes. Only stores don't carry adult clothes that fit me, apparently. So I have to shop in the "juniors" section. And this presents a mess of problems. First of which is that it's hard to find "juniors" clothes that aren't jeans and screen-printed babydoll shirts. Second of which is that even if I do find something somewhat presentable, the pants are low-rise, and the shirts tight-fitting, low cut, or both. Though I think this might be a problem with women's clothes in general rather than just teenage girls clothes. Which goes hand-in-hand with business dress code not allowing women to wear anything tight-fitting or low-cut for a big ball of frustrating. (because boobs are just so unprofessional, you know? UGH) I don't even KNOW what the acceptable mid-point is between baggy and therefore sloppy, and too tight and therefore slutty. Or even if there IS one. I have shirts that are BOTH too baggy to look professional AND too tight in the bust at the same time. This acceptable appearance game is impossible to win.
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
Was listening to a conversation recently where a guy stated his belief that "the father" should be informed of and allowed to attempt to change his partner's decision to have an abortion ("But the final decision still gets left to the woman, so it's okay, right?" Ugh...). I was neither in the mood nor a position to get into a discussion about why the government forcing such a thing is not okay.

First off, taking his comment in good faith that he was not intending any sort of malice, there's a huge underlying assumption here. An assumption that I wish I could say was based entirely in reality, but that is not the case. Namely, that every woman considering abortion is in a non-abusive, stable, and healthy relationship with "the father". That still doesn't make such a thing okay, but at least it wouldn't be potentially dangerous. Probably.

Sure, it'd be nice if everyone could be safe and comfortable discussing this personal health and life decision with her partner. And I want a magical ponycorn. It just isn't realistic. For many reasons. Some more obvious than others. For instance. "Let us track down this rapist and let him have his say on what he thinks you should do with your life before we'll let you make this decision." I can't be the only person who thinks that sounds like a bad idea. And then what of a woman who has multiple partners? Do they all get the "right" to be informed and have their say? Just because they could potentially be involved in the pregnancy? This doesn't really seem all that practical to me. How are you going to determine who the "father" is, anyway? Ask her? What if she doesn't know? Would we have to register a list of sex partners with the government? Is it really the government's business who I'm sleeping with?

You could try to say, perhaps, that this "right" should be restricted to a legal husband. What of the cases where the husband IS the rapist, or where the husband is abusive, and would use the pregnancy to further entangle his wife into being unable to escape his abuse? What then? Are you really advocating that this woman put her life in danger just so this asshole can have one more point of control over her life? Because you don't trust your partner enough to involve you in her decisions without government intervention?

Sorry, dude. I can understand wanting to know. But that doesn't mean you should have the right to know. I hope you're always in a relationship where there is mutual trust and open communication.
kirideth: (Nappytimes)
Severe, crippling, social anxiety attack gogogo. T_T Dammit brain, let me sleep. Let me function. Pleeeease!? *cry*


Apr. 28th, 2011 09:34 am
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
Dear asshole,

Your concern that some gay dude might be checking you out in the shower is noted. However, given that he's probably terrified that if someone thinks he might be checking out their junk, he will be assaulted or killed, your concern is largely unfounded.

As for your comparison to women being allowed to shower separately from men because "they're afraid some guy will check out their junk", I believe your reasoning is misplaced. It is far more likely that this discomfort comes from the fact that should a woman be assaulted in the shower by a man, she will subsequently be blamed for it, with that bullshit reasoning about how she shouldn't have been naked in front of men, doesn't she know they can't control themselves?

Also no, this reasoning does not extend to your hypothetical situation. What society do YOU live in where a gay man who assaults someone is excused with the reasoning "he couldn't help it, you should have known better than to shower with him"? Certainly not this one. However, if you were to assault him over that possibility, you bet your ass you'd be excused with "can you really blame him? That queer was looking at him funny."

So stop being an asshat and live with your awkward discomfort. Be thankful that it's not fear for your safety.

No love,
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
There's a pro-life billboard near my parents' house that displays the message "it's a child, not a choice". This message creeps me the fuck out.

Because it really heavily implies that they would like nothing better than to force everyone to have children whether they want them or not. And that's creepy and invasive.

On the flip-side, it also implies that no one could possibly *want* to plan for and have children, that kids are just something that happens, and you have no choice but to accept. This is also invasive and creepy.

I get that they were trying to go for some kind of catchy slogan based on a "clever" play on movement names. But that's really not how it comes across. It comes across as saying that they view children as a burden that every adult must deal with no matter what. And I suppose that looking at a lot of what is said from that side, that interpretation's not all that far off, is it?
kirideth: (Techno Angel)
*by which I mean things that at least one gay person I personally know enjoys (hey, it's a valid definition, right?)

Moderating an Internet Chatroom, I hear people use "gay" as an insult all the fucking time. It irritates me, and I get tired of having to tell them to stop. "No it's not okay. It wasn't okay yesterday and it's still not okay. No it's not okay if you use 'bisexual' as an insult instead. Just... stop it."

So, in response to that, I will now present a short list of things that are actually gay*.

Drinking beer
Watching football
Growing a beard
Shaving a beard
Playing basketball
Playing video games
Musical theatre
Water skiing
Computer programming
Watching television
Being a vegetarian
Antelope bacon
Setting things on fire
Ninja turtles
Pickup trucks

...oh shit, guys! Everything's gay! What do? Oh! I know! Quit obsessing about it!
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
I've been reading excerpts from a book I should probably buy. Though I'm sure reading it in its entirety will cause many breakdowns and tears. And I'm reminded of a memory from my childhood.

I used to bring my lunch to school. Because I found the school lunch to be generally unappetizing, and I wouldn't eat it. Every morning my mother would make my lunch. And every afternoon, she'd remind me to clean out my lunch container so she could use it the next day. This didn't generally go as smoothly as it sounds.

"Go get your lunch bucket."

"I can't." It wasn't a bucket at all. It was a bag. (Later years, it was a box.)

"Yes, you can. Go get it and clean it out."

"But I can't..." Buckets were hard and round, and had open tops and handles. And were used for things like fishing, and cleaning, and playing in the sand. Things that weren't taking my lunch to school. Who takes their lunch to school in a bucket?

"Why can't you?"

"It's not a bucket."

"You know what I meant." Then why not say what you meant? Instead of calling it a lunch bucket, which is something I clearly didn't have.

"But that's not what you said."

"Fine. Go clean out your lunch bag."


This sort of exchange wasn't at all unusual. And the thoughts still aren't, though I've gotten better at understanding what people mean. Or at least I think so. I must have, since I question whether that lack of understanding is real. Maybe it just manifests itself in more complicated ways. "I can't put it away. It doesn't have a place."

Maybe I haven't changed.


Jul. 24th, 2010 03:48 pm
kirideth: (Computer Science)
For those of you who do not follow my twitter or check Facebook regularly, I have wedding pictures up on the Facebooks. Yes, you will need a Facebook account to see them. You will also need to either be my friend or friends with someone else who is my friend.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

ETA: Or perhaps logging in is not necessary? Always wondered what those public album links did.


May. 9th, 2010 01:13 pm
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
As the wedding date draws nearer (less than two months, yo), more and more people who don't know me (or George) exceptionally well feel that it's appropriate to comment and ask questions about our personal lives, goals, and decisions about our future. In particular, our (yes, OUR) decision not to have children.

On people asking about why we aren't having kids, and how this makes me feel. )

*sigh* I just wish more people would take the response "we're not planning on having any children" and let it be at that, rather than taking it as an invitation to ask more questions.
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
Stay at home, city boy.
With that television on.
Homes in better light.
Keep your mind off real life.
Oh stick to television!

I can make it, here in Hunger City!
Nothin's gonna stop me!
I know I'll survive!

I can take it, here in Hunger City!
Even though they'd eat me.
Just to stay alive!
Hunger City!!


So the day falls in to night.
And you slide down in your easy chair.
Blue cosmetic eyes.
Are beamed to you by satellite.
Call you to the shelter.

I can make it, here in Hunger City!
Nothin's gonna stop me!
I know I'll survive!

I can take it, here in Hunger City!
Even though they'd eat me.
Just to stay alive!
Hunger City!!


I can make it, here in Hunger City!
Even though they'd eat me.
Just to stay alive!
Hunger City!!

Like a poison lullaby.
The pump pump pump inside your head.
Momma's pride and joy.
Slithers down the drain instead.
Fast food for the mutants!

I can make it, here in Hunger City!
Nothin's gonna stop me!
I know I'll survive!

I can take it, here in Hunger City!
Even though they'd eat me.
Just to stay alive!
Hunger City!!

In Hunger City!
Hunger City!
kirideth: (Horrorshow)

I started a Harley trend last year, apparently.

You made me be cold. Intentionally. I swear you did.

My legs still hurt.

"You can come to my birthday party."

USB Locked.

Klingon nightmares are pink and fluffy.

But are more bearable with a bit of "Appropriate Affection".

Only one instance of feeling (marginally) ill! New record!


Delicious noms.

Congrats to my friends in the masquerade. Both for best presentation of theme and best in show.

"Puttin on da wiiiiiiiiiitz~!"

What hats?

Random bruises are random.

Tea, dammit!

Not your father's glory hole.

Deadpool caught me.

Appropriate affection. ^_~

[livejournal.com profile] kpooka17, I feel like I'm channeling you when I'm wearing Harley.

Looking forward to next year.


Jun. 30th, 2009 02:54 am
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
Holy crap! I managed to fit just about everything for CON into two bags! This includes both pairs of boots and my platform shoes. I still have my purse, laptop bag, and a blanket, too, but the majority of my stuff is in the bags. I'm rather proud of that. Even though I'm sure it sounds scary on the surface.

Yaaay! CON!


Jun. 27th, 2009 06:51 pm
kirideth: (Horrorshow)

CON is so close! Close, I say!

I hope I don't wear myself out with excitement before I even get there. >.>


May. 25th, 2009 11:25 pm
kirideth: (nappytimes)
Because I have little to do at the moment, because I haven't gotten approval for my thesis yet. I'm bored.


I've found my fabric and my patterns, and I'll be starting on Julia tomorrow.

The red fabric I have is a little too blue, but it should still be acceptable.
kirideth: (Computer Science)
What do you do if you spend an extended period of time working on your thesis, and right near the end come to the conclusion that it can't be done? I mean, the work would still be there and still be significant, but the overall conclusion would be that it's a failed idea, at least with this specific approach.

Because right now, I'm absolutely terrified that'll happen to me.


Apr. 10th, 2009 12:46 am
kirideth: (Default)
So much fucking word.

kirideth: (Dalek)
I hate having to adblock images people post. It makes me feel like I'm trying to censor the Internet.
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
I don't normally post videos, but I figured I'd make an exception for this one.
Oprah's back here. )
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
Now that I'm finally back at my computer, I can say a few things, I guess.

For those of you who weren't at the New Year's gathering in the Omaha area or I haven't otherwise told, George and I are engaged. We're currently hoping for a summer 2010 wedding (so I can be done with my master's and such), though we haven't picked a date or a location yet.

For those of you who *were* at New Year's, George requests pictures be uploaded somewhere where he can add them to his collection.

Also, thanks very much to Sarah and Jake for hosting, and also to Beth and Rip for letting us stay with you. Much, much appreciated.

And finally, I have broken down and gotten a twitter. I am @kirideth. (Wow, huge surprise, there.)
kirideth: (Computer Science)
I am... making a lot of cheesecake. Why?

Because George wants to give cheesecake as holiday gifts to his neighbors who let him borrow their scaffolding for the house and also to his friend who helped with the re-siding and such.

Naturally, cheesecake cannot be made without making an extra one so he can eat it.

So. I am making CheesecakeX3. Because "I want to make cheesecake for so and so" really means "I want you to make cheesecake, but I'll help you if you tell me exactly what to do."

Maybe, if I let him do enough, he'll be confident enough to make one himself without me there. Maybe to give to me. Someday.

Why can't he want to give people cookies like normal people? "But, but... they gave ME cookies last year! I can't give them cookies!" "Um... yes, you can. I think that they're probably expecting cookies, honestly."

Anyway, Christmas was awesome this year. More on that later.
kirideth: (Horrorshow)
The assumption that "natural" is usually beneficial and always somehow superior to synthetic.

Most recently triggered by a commercial for some artificial sweetener. No, really? It's made out of a plant? With leaves and everything? Wow! So are an awful lot of common products. Even products "artificially produced using chemistry." And this sweetener? Also processed using chemistry! Shock and awe!

And, you know? I'd much, much rather eat artificially produced food-grade chemicals than naturally occurring poisons.


Dec. 8th, 2008 01:28 am
kirideth: (Dalek)
Dammit, George! Ninja Turtles porn does NOT go on my desktop.