kirideth | I made a promise two and a half years ago...

I said something about making a list of those people who have influenced me and were otherwise important to me throughout my life.

Without names, and in chronological order of when I met these people, I will make an attempt at an abridged such list. These are twenty of the people I haven't forgotten, and probably never will.

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You were my first friend. For that I will never forget you. Our imaginary world and exclusive language are things that will stand out in my memory.

I only knew you for a year, but you made those kindergarten bus rides bearable. While you weren't involved, I will remember you being there for me when I was punched in the face. I really deserved it.

Imaginary games of Mathnet and Ghost Writer. You were also the first of my friends to start seeing someone. A shame we grew apart in junior high, but our interests changed vastly.

You tried to help me overcome my fear of bees, and I taught you math. My first encounter with being remembered after multiple years of separation without contact. It was truly surreal.

One of my closest friends. We went through a lot together, from scouting to swimming, to anything else you can think of. You are the coffee in my milkshake.

Another of my closest friends. I can't help but wonder how your baby girl is doing. I am grateful that none of your attempts ever succeeded. You are the oreo cookie in my milkshake.

I'm not sure why we were even friends. We both needed one, I guess. However, without a doubt, my life would be different had you never been a part of it. I might have never known some of the people I still see today.

I know you don't remember knowing me this early. You've said so yourself. I still considered you a friend. I wish I still could. You let your jealousy control you, and that's what destroyed our friendship. A shame you still haven't learned your lesson, have you?

Do you know? Do you really know? You probably don't. I still wonder what you really thought of me. We might have been able to be friends if I weren't so competitive. Are you surprised you made it into the list of twenty? There's a lot I could say here that I won't, mostly because I would probably prefer it if you never knew.

Did I really meet you eight years ago? That sounds so long ago, but it must be true. You have influenced me far more than you may ever know. I shouldn't have avoided you like I did, but to be honest, I was terrified. Of what? I don't know. I don't think I even knew then. I wish I had gotten to know you better earlier. On a separate note, I do sometimes wonder "what if...".

I remember the breakfast conversations. I don't remember specifics, but I do remember the time well-spent. I wish that I had the opportunity to see you more often. Unfortunately, that isn't possible. I'm glad you are doing well.

I haven't actually seen you since that day at the faire. You know which one I'm talking about. It's a strange concept. I'll have to visit you sometime, I suppose. I wonder if it'll be awkward. I'm glad there aren't any hard feelings left. I'm not the best at sparing people's feelings. It was for the best, though. It amuses me that you've taken up the organ.

At first, you were like the older brother I never had. You were always there to pick me up when I tripped and fell. Of course, I don't see you as a brother anymore. But you knew that already. ^.^ Looking back on things I noted as important, you were always there somehow. I always managed to make a note of you, even if I forgot the others. Strange when I think about it? Or is it? The only real answer here is "fish".

I can't blame you for what you did. You have long since been forgiven, even though that should probably not be the case. I, on the other hand, will never be the same.

I shouldn't go without mentioning you. You were an important part of my life. I did a lot of stupid things for your sake. I shouldn't have. I should have left well enough alone. I do know that it wasn't entirely my doing, though. Nor was it entirely yours. We saw things in each other that weren't really there. I'm sure we also saw ourselves in each other. However, our differences far outweigh those apparent similarities.

I don't know quite how to put this... The scars are gone. Now there is no evidence that I ever intentionally caused myself physical harm. You say that part of you is dead. But he's still there. Others have seen him. He just gave up his interest in me.

I don't remember how we met. This is a rare occurrence for me. I am glad we did, however. I miss you. Sometime we should get together for cheese and chocolate and movies featuring hot people. Yes.

You're one of the few people I know who saw me in-person only after meeting me, if that makes sense. What was that like, by the way? Was I what you expected? I'm sorry life gives you so many unexpected twists. It'll get better eventually, I hope.

Proud and insolent youth... The irony there is that you're older than I am. You're a good friend. I've watched you these past three years. It seems strange, though not in a bad way, that we managed past our first few encounters without any bitterness or estrangement. Will you become one of those friends I only see every so often now? Probably. Though I wish it were otherwise. There needs to be more pie in the world.

You reminded me a bit of myself when I met you. However, you were much more extreme than I ever was. Things will get better. Not everyone is an asshole. I won't physically be there anymore, but you are more than welcome to contact me, be it by phone, email, IM, or any other method should you need someone to talk to. I wish you luck.

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Twenty is a small number. There are more people who deserve recognition here for some reason or another. Many more. And that list will continue to grow as time goes on. Not everyone on this list is a positive memory, but then, not all the people who touch our lives are.

Even without names, many of these people will be easily recognized to many of you. Of course, one or two of you probably won't even recognize yourselves. Such is the way of things. Remember that I'm always thinking of you.